It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
