I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
