I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I am never drinking with the goths again.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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