You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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