You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
