this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
