I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
