She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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