So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
