I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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