I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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