if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
