How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
