Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
