Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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