Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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