sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
