he wants to bone in the snuggie
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
