Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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