and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
