Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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