This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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