I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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