So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My penis needs a shock collar
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
