How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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