she looked like the before picture.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
