Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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