eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
