Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
We named our party play list daddy issues
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
