the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
