And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
