I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
