No awkward lesbian experiences without me
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
