Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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