I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
