I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
