Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
either way he was missing a nipple.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
