I'm eating all of the evidence.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
