haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
