Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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