Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
