Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
