I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
