i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
