Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
