Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Found the puke drawer
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
