i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
