If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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