My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
