grandma shit on top of the toilet
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
