You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Panties = found
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
